The Unpublishable

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:02 pm

Ancient History wrote:Repeating myself a little with "Conjure Rum." Only on the Unpublishable (because no-one else would want it). http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/0 ... e-rum.html

why would nobody else want that?
it's a good short story with an interesting premise at least.

The long teak cable

really? wooden cables?

The bottles were placed out for all the see

to see i'd guess? O.o

and when he had done

either a so is missing at the end or it should be was instead of had right?

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jun 08, 2013 7:12 pm

Good catches.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jun 15, 2013 2:39 am

It's been a long week. So, I wrote some Star Wars fanfic. "Duel at the Prophet's Tomb." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/0 ... -tomb.html

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Mon Jun 17, 2013 9:19 pm

Eiven pressed a press of a hidden button caused the smuggler’s panels to retract from the wall,

wat.

long though lost

thought i assume?

Eiven stopped at the edge of the trench, with the tomb entrance and the guards were immediately below.

better without the were in there i think.

A peak over the ledge

peek i assume

She smiled to see him.

as a none native engrish reader i find myself asking:"is that correct?"

and he hard on his left knee

fell missing

It was sphere

either a or ical missing

all he had gleaned from the stolen Imperial records is that they had focused their powers on foresight and clairvoyance

ah ah ah, no time jumping eh?

“What were they used for?” he murmured aloud.

The lightsaber-droid beeped out for a few moments, and a grin slowly grew on Eiven Task’s face as it recounted a list of the Sith who had used such gems as focusing crystals in their ligthsabers.

“Ess-One.” He said, eyes locked on the red pearl in his mechanical hand. “I have an idea…”

nooo! you cliffhangering mean old bastard! ò,Ó;,

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Mon Jun 17, 2013 10:09 pm

I'll fix those. I'm not entirely happy with this one, though I may revisit the character.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:34 am

It's not yet midnight. Tonight on The Unpublishable is "The Tenth Student," a tale of Scholomance. http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/0 ... udent.html

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:10 pm

and the cold water of their melting snows form streams through the dense, foggy forests, and fill up that valley so it looks to be the deepest lake in the world,

waters or fills please

and the stared down at the one-eyed cat and stiffly bowed its head

Sphinx missing

but at last he mood lifted

t missing

ah the old myth of a cat stealing a persons breath in their sleep and the cat being the saviour all at once. nice ending there.

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:38 pm

I swear I'm getting worse. THanks.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:50 pm

nah, you are pretty constant in terms of errors.

Red_Rob · Post by **Red_Rob** » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:54 pm

Ouch! That's a pretty backhanded compliment...

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:21 pm

I did post a story yesterday, but apparently forgot to mention it here:

Another Star Wars fanfic today on the Unpublishable; the story of Eiven Task continues with "Duel at the Old Jedi Temple." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/0 ... emple.html

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 12:55 am

while i am still cross with you for daring to pull such a cliffhanger last time, i can't find much fault at all with this story.

When the first one that drew close enough, Eiven moved with startling speed, his prosthetic arm whipping the trench tool down at the full extant of its reach

This sentence is a mess though. Gramatically at least the first part is badly mangeled and i think you meant extent right?

And shortly after that:

Task caught let go the trench tool and caught the chain in his left hand, bringing his right arm straight up so the momentum of her charge helped smash her onto his fist.

were you, per chance, a bit distracted writing this part?

seems like it:

be he stopped in a kneel and flung his right hand forward.

but?

what's a

sabreur’s

?
sabre's i guess?

i REALLY like that character!
he's kinda like wolverine.
mean old bastard with a blade in the arm ^^

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:09 am

"Sabreur" is a bit of an obscure term these days. Sort of another word for "swordsman," I thought it kind of fit the whole lightsabre thing...

I guess I wanted to write a Force-user that wasn't a natural bad-ass ninja Jedi or Sith character, but also didn't suffer from their particular hang-ups with regard to weaponry or foul play...an underdog that had to fight dirty, because if he tried engaging on even terms he'd get his ass kicked. So he takes every advantage he can, and against an untrained and poorly-armed mob is fairly effective; in his two duels so far he's barely come out on top...but not without profit.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sun Jun 30, 2013 9:03 am

Yeah, that's why i realy like this one ^^

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Fri Jul 05, 2013 5:49 pm

The start of something new on the Unpublishable with "The Naacaleur: Prologue." http://www.the-unpublishable.com/2013/0 ... logue.html

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 12:26 am

It was a carven stone

not a carved stone? O.o
can't find anything else that looks wrong to me, but then, this one is pretty short . . even for a short story . .

what do you mean with the start of someting new?

erik · Post by **erik** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 1:33 pm

Stahlseele wrote:
It was a carven stone
not a carved stone? O.o

It's an old-timey way to say 'carved'.

some guy wrote:The King beneath the mountains,
The King of carven stone,
The lord of silver fountains
Shall come into his own!

His crown shall be upholden,
His harp shall be restrung,
His halls shall echo golden
To songs of yore re-sung.

The woods shall wave on mountains
And grass beneath the sun;
His wealth shall flow in fountains
And the rivers golden run.

The streams shall run in gladness,
The lakes shall shine and burn,
All sorrow fail and sadness
At the Mountain-king's return!

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 2:58 pm

ah i see

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 10:57 pm

Stahlseele wrote: what do you mean with the start of someting new?

I'm gonna try a serial. That's the prologue of it.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 10:59 pm

ah.
could you, maybe, be persuaded to do one about that Eiven-Character too? ^^

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:46 pm

I think I sorta am, already.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:55 pm

aah, fine!
that's an interesting character for me ^^

Ancient History · Post by **Ancient History** » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:28 am

Well, I have outlines for at least three more stories with the character, whenever I get around to writing them out.

Stahlseele · Post by **Stahlseele** » Sun Jul 07, 2013 12:33 am

yay!
that's nice to know! ^^